I ask you – what is the point of having a big honkin’ dream catcher dangling from your rear-view mirror? Are you planning to fall asleep at the wheel? Or are you living in your car and catching dreams at night?
When your dream catcher is full, what do you do with them? Flick them out the window like boogers?
Some friends of mine mentioned this pet peeve and I have to say I agree. It’s definitely worth a spot on this blog.
ATTENTION ESCALATOR BLOCKERS
The world does not revolve around YOU. There are other people on the escalator behind you that would like to get off before it sucks them under the floor. There are no stores in the mall basement, so nobody has a desire to go there.
So please, exit the damn escalator, walk 20 paces and THEN, only then, look around and get your bearings. Chances are there is an information kiosk nearby.
Thank you. This message is a public service brought to you by the MyBitchFest blog and it’s readers.
Am I the only one who doesn’t watch acting award shows? I mean, the majority of the participants are just a bunch of spoiled, fake people who pretend and pose for a living.
I DON’T CARE whose designs they are wearing. I DON’T CARE who did their hair. I DON’T CARE about how many carats are around their necks or fingers. Who gives a shit? These awards are pretty much about who can out-pretend who. That’s what acting is – pretending. They get paid enough. Do we really need to add awards and celebrity gift bags to that? How about having award shows for great scientists or inventors? Great teachers or great parents? THAT is something we should have on TV.
By the way, acting CAN be an admirable profession if it teaches something or makes the world a better place. Otherwise, I don’t rank them any higher than the guy who sucks the crap out of our septic tank every 2 years.
I don’t smoke, but I have friends that do. They want to quit but just can’t seem to do it. I used to think it was lack of willpower, but after watching this story on the news, I am thinking very differently.
Apparently, a study just came out showing that the larger tobacco companies have increased the nicotine levels by 10% or more since 1998. You can read more about it here and here or do a news search for the latest. The TV news program I was watching said that the nicotine levels in Marlboro – the preferred brand among the younger set – Newport and Camel cigarettes rose every year, and Kool cigarettes, which are marketed toward minorities, rose as much as 20%.
Um… How can I put this? THESE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO HELL. I’m sorry, but if there is a hell, these assholes are going. They are just plain evil. I think every person here in the US, and most other countries in the world, knows at least one person who has died from smoking. We are all affected by it. My father in-law died from lung cancer. How do you think my husband felt, at age 22, when he lost his dad?
It just blows me away how these pricks claim they are trying to help people quit and inform the public about the dangers of smoking while doing this. How can they look us in the face? How do they sleep at night? Maybe their next plan is to open up a bunch of clinics to help people stop smoking, and charge for it. I wouldn’t be surprised.
Recently, I purchased an expensive set of “lip plumping” gloss at a well-known makeup store in the mall. (Yes, I have thin little bird lips.) The set had 6 cute little lip gloss containers in it, in various colors. I think the set cost me $35 at the time.
I brought them home and one of the containers was missing the ring mechanism that sloughs the gloss off of the wand. It came out in a big glob and ran down the sides of the container. I couldn’t get it back in. I ended up returning the set and exchanging for a new one. (Did I mention that this store is over an hour’s drive from my house?) I brought the new set home and the same thing happened with a different color! I emailed the company twice to let them know that they had a manufacturing problem, but never heard anything back. Not a thing. I don’t even think I got auto-reply.
Some companies truly stand behind their products, but unfortunately many do not. Or at least their customer service department doesn’t care. I feel like I made an effort on my part to remedy the problem by driving all of that way and making a return, but when it happens twice… well, it’s something to bitch about and that’s why it’s here. 
By the way, I also feel like a hypocrite because I love their stupid lip gloss and will probably buy it again. Grrrr.
These are usually people who are driving 10 MPH below the speed limit in front of me when I need to be somewhere fast. They must want me to REALLY ADMIRE their collection of stuffed animals, Beanie Babies and hats.
It’s fascinating.
I can see why automatic toilets are a good thing for the most part. I don’t have to touch that disease-ridden handle for one, and the place does smell better since everyone HAS to flush (another rant for another time). But it really sucks when you sit down to pee and the stupid thing keeps flushing – and they REALLY flush! I get worried that I’ll be sucked down to China. I like China and all, but I don’t want to ride the poop-water express there. I’m not Nemo for God’s sake.
I heard that the electric eye has trouble seeing black. That’s what people said when these toilets first came out anyway. It’s too bad that they didn’t pick a yucky color for it not to see. Actually, wouldn’t it be funny if it flushed only when you made bad fashion choices? They should put one of those toilets on the show “What Not To Wear”. It would be hilarious! If you picked a bad outfit you had to be subjected to the “Torture Toilet”. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!
Maybe it’s just my anatomy, but I have a feeling other women have pondered this too. The crotch panels in underwear are not in the correct place. They are too far back. This makes the placement of panty liners and pads guesswork until one gets experienced.
Companies have been manufacturing underwear for many, many years. I’m surprised nobody has figured it out. (Well, actually I’m not.) Do they all use the same pattern? What gives? The elasticized bands – see Bitch #4. 
People – If you are in a public bathroom, WASH YOUR HANDS. This doesn’t mean just running your hands under water. Like a cold shower, that just refreshes the germs and slaps them back to reality if they’re horny.
Let’s face it – I know where your hands have been, and I don’t want your pee/poop/period/germy hands touching the same doorknob I have to touch to leave the public bathroom. Use soap – liberally.
(Thanks to Amanda again for reminding me that I needed to bitch about this one too.)
A forum friend of mine (hi Amanda!) reminded me of this one. She called it “random sidewalk stoppers”. Don’t you hate it when you are walking along, keeping up with a crowd and someone decides to stop dead in their tracks causing everyone to divert around them? I often give them “the glare” but they are completely oblivious. This almost always applies to older women. I think it’s because they – like birds – are enamoured by bright, shiny objects. They get distracted easily and forget what they are doing. It’s even worse when they are in a group.
I also hate it when you’re leaving the grocery store and someone decides the check their receipt right in front of the exit. (I don’t mean those receipt checkers at Sam’s or Costco. I mean the shopper.)
I like my neighbors next door. They are super nice, but their dog comes into our yard specifically to crap. He won’t go in HIS yard. He’d rather go in ours, so as not to dirty up his area. He’s a large dog too. Some days it looks like I’m growing chocolate soft serve cones in my garden instead of flowers (with garbage fly sprinkles). Seriously.
Then we have another neighbor who keeps her dogs on a leash, but brings them to everyone’s front yards to crap. I have so many turds under my mailbox from her walking her dogs around there 3-5 times a day, and she has never once cleaned them up. It’s gross. Clean up your dog turds, people!
Have you ever been in a message forum and somebody – usually with a skanky username and bad punctuation – asks a totally stupid question? Let’s say it’s starting a business selling crafts. It never fails that some person will write in and say something like, “yo peeps – i want to start a biz selling crafts that i make. how do i start and what should i sell?”
Now, I am not the most patient of people. I know this, but do people really expect everyone to drop what their doing and coach them from the very beginning? Here’s a clue – READ A BOOK! That’s what they are there for. I am not here to write a book for you on a forum. Besides, if you are looking to start a business or do anything serious like that you’d damn well better know what you are getting in to.
So there.
I think most ladies know what I’m talking about here. It never fails – I’ll buy a pair of underwear and after the first few washings (sometimes even the first washing) the elastic starts to shred and rubber threads are hanging out everywhere. The worst part is, those threads are usually wrapped around a bunch of damp clothes in the washer. It’s definitely something worth bitching about.
I understand that people are all looking for bargains these days, but it seems like everything I buy either comes with missing pieces or breaks immediately. This is usually stuff that I have bought at WalMart, so I refuse to buy anything of importance there. It used to be you could rely on a well-known brand for quality, but it just seems like that’s generally not the case anymore. I am SO TIRED OF RETURNING SHIT!
Okay, I don’t know if this bothers anyone else, but when I’m standing in a big line in the supermarket with a 35-pound basket full of God-knows-what, I’d really like to set it down as quickly as possible. It never fails that when I get up to the register, the person in front of my has their things spread all over the belt with tons of space between each item. I don’t want to be rude and smoosh their things up the belt, but I wish people would wake up and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around them. (You’re probably going to hear that phrase a lot in this blog!) When I am at the register, I try to use up as little space as possible by stacking things so that the next person can start loading their things on the belt. This also makes things move along a little more quickly because people get a head start emptying items out of their carts. It’s makes sense doesn’t it? Hopefully this will help rehabilitate a belt-hog out there somewhere.
Believe it or not, I'm an optimist. That probably sounds funny after reading my rants, but it's true. Maybe it's because I see humor in everything - even if it's in things that kind of piss me off. I hope you enjoy my blog, and get a good laugh to start or end your day on a good note.
My name is Chris and I live in Southern New Hampshire (USA). I am very happily married and have two great little boys. Not much to bitch about there. They are pretty cool.
Enjoy the blog. :)
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